Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
