On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
