I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
