Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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