Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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