I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize