Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
