I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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