so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize