Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
