I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
