in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
