I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
