I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
