You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
