She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
