Can i not drive my cunt home
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
third nipple confirmed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
