i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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