I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
