You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
