do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
