he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
