At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
