can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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