road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
