This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
