you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
