I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
