Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
