Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Damn victory sex feels great
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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