then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
