she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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