So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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