And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
