Your dad touched me again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
