so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
