lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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