We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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