She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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