I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
