If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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