I feel like abortions should bother me more
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
