I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
