Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
