Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
