when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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