I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
