i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize