Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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