Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize