I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
