He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please don't give away my fajitas
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
do nipples grow back?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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