I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
