90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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