I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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