one might say we're banned from that church
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
