If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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