Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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