how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
