Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
