I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
