His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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