I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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