so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
