I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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