I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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