guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
