Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
