If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
