God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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