I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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