Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
