Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
