Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
