My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
