I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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